Beyond the serene shores......

The sun has set and there’s a crimson blush

The shores are serene but the heart is forlorn

Another day tormented by reminiscences of the yore

Another day filled with anguish burns the core

Thoughts of the past explode as one lends a sigh

There’s more to what meets the eye

Flowing tears has blurred the vision

But this, alas! Was the best decision

He has a sad smile as he reflects on the last bond  

He had turned back but she didn't respond

She cared for him or so he thought

But today in his mind he was full of doubt

There is warmth in the hearth and cheerful noises all around

But sadness blinds the eye and deafens all sound

 If only she’d sensed the hurt underlining his smile

If only she would've walked back that extra mile

Time has passed and life has moved on

Yet when darkness prevails, the heart is torn.

Braveheart

She walked pensively as she tugged onto the broken umbrella trying her best to save herself from the heavy downpour. There was a strange melange of emotions and it felt as if the heavens were crying for her that day. It had been one more disastrous morning, one more dark dawn with one more round of thrashing that he’d often resort to if he did not find money for his daily alcohol. She was struggling through the puddles and tiny streamlets formed by the rain water as her eyes were blurred by the tears that flowed from them.

A few minutes later, she knocked on the teak framed door and two excited children ran out to welcome her. She quickly wiped her tears and broke into a smile. It was as if all her worries had suddenly melted away in the tiny hands that held onto to her hand and pulled her into their home. Here she was in another world; there was no time to fret as the school bus would soon be honking outside. The little boys had to be readied and fed and taken to the bus stand. The dog was waiting when she returned from the bus stop, it was his turn to be walked and fed now. The parents of the little children were off to work and would return only in the evening. All chores completed, she now settled down with a cup of tea, as her thoughts went back to where it had all started twenty years ago.

The rustic village where she grew up was where she was considered very pretty, and everyone thought that she could easily get the most eligible bachelor to marry her.  Alas! Fate had planned something else planned. She was married early, not to an eligible bachelor, but to a drunkard and a tormentor. Within a year she was the mother of a child. With her life already a mess and another soul to support, she decided to fight back. A few neighbors had helped her get her first job at a factory. The sum was paltry, but it gave her the independence from the miseries bestowed on her by her so called husband. The child was growing up fast and so were her requirements and the factory money was not enough. She had tried to save a bit from her small sum, but he would always smell it out from wherever it was hidden and use it to fund his drinks. She spoke to her friends about doing something else that could fetch her more money and so ended up working as a housemaid before leaving for her regular day job.

This is how she connected with me through a family friend when I was looking for a maid. Our first meeting was a tad difficult as she didn't know my language and I didn't know hers, but we managed and soon she was hired as a maid for our home. After the birth of my elder son, we offered her to work as a full time helper to take care of the child and the home so that I could join back work. This also meant that she would have to give up her job at the factory. She agreed and was soon an all time favorite of my son. She loved him and would be by his side the whole day. The initial days were a struggle as language proved to be a major hindrance and it took a good six months for me to master her language, by which time, she too had begun to understand bits of the Hindi and English that we spoke.  She was ambitious and though she was happy working at our place, she also had dreams for her daughter who she wanted to do well in life and not struggle the way she had been doing.

Something about her clicked and as years passed, our house became completely dependent on her. By the time we had our second child, she had taken up most of the responsibilities and, she became more like a family member, except for the fact that her husband didn't mend his ways. The story at her home was the same.

Today as she sat reflecting on the morning episode with him, she received a call from her daughter. Her husband had packed his bags and left, leaving the two of them to fend for themselves. This is when she took a big decision; she wasn't going to cry any more than she already had. This time she would fight back. She waited till evening to get back home and then she did something most women find difficult to do. She decided that she would not look for him or call him back. She had anyway been feeding him all these years as he had stopped contributing to the house altogether. In a society like ours, where domestic violence is  prevalent  in almost all strata and is often silently brushed under the carpet, here was one women who, given her struggle to fend for herself and her daughter, had chosen to fight it out, not caring about the stigma attached to a single women. There was a lot spoken about this in her village when she visited there, but she knew she was right and decided to stand by her decision.

Her struggle did not end there, as after a few months her brother too passed way and so the responsibility of taking care of her aged parents came on her shoulders. There were four people to take care of now and so that meant that she needed more money. She asked if she could take up cooking at our place so that we would pay her some more and also if we could permit her to take up another job during the day till the children were in school and we let her do that. Her struggle was now visible on her face, as she would complain of aches and pains. She would complete all the work at our home and rush to the other house to quickly finish the chores there and head back to our place to take care of the children till we returned from work. Probably what kept her going was her love for our children and their reciprocation of the same.

Years have passed and her daughter is now happily married with two children of her own. Her husband did try to get the villagers to intervene to convince her that they stay together again, but she did not agree. It was he who had chosen to walk out, so there was no way that she was going to call him back. And where was he when she was struggling to get the funds for their daughter’s wedding or when she struggled to put the house rent together each month, she asks.

Her struggles are not over yet, but looking at her fight from then to now and how she has adapted herself to whatever life had to offer her, she is a clear winner. Today our children are big enough to take care of themselves, yet she works with us but her dreams and ambitious have yet not ended. She now dreams of having her own tiny shop selling fast food. She has come a long way from struggling to make a proper meal earlier, to now, when can cook North Indian Rajma and Kadhi, South Indian Rasam and Sambar, Chinese noodles and gravy or Pastas, she can manage all of these and more.

Wondering, why did I choose to write about my maid ?

Well, coz, as years have passed, there’s lot that I've learned from her; her ability to smile in spite of all the odds that life offered her,  her love for my children, her honesty and self respect , whenever, she needed money, she would take up an additional chore and not take it as a charity. And above all, her willingness to learn and achieve more, the fast food store being her new dream.

A society that is filled with women who are filled with self pity and who quietly face all tortures meted out to them and refuse to retaliate, here is one woman who chose to fight the odds. Coming from a small village, being new to city life, she not only managed to take care of herself independently , but also had a good wedding arranged for her daughter, and has managed to foot the hospital bill for the birth of her grandchildren, this she says was her responsibility according to their community.

Yes, like all other people, I too have my grievances about my maid, but they are far smaller when compared to how much she has contributed to our family. She is as old as I am or could be younger too, but her life’s struggles have been far more than mine and I totally respect her for the way she has handled each one of them. She may come from a different stratum in society, but what connects me with her is that she is a woman and a fighter who lives with dignity.

Today as I speak about her or others like her, I realize that, all of them have similar stories, so while we complain that our maids don’t work well, or are taking too many offs, they are actually struggling to make ends meet, some managing the home without their husbands and some working together with them. Given a choice this is the last thing they would want to do, but this job is important for them as it means independence to them and a means to their meet their ends.

Innocence....................

Two gentle souls fill the air with cheerful resonances. Their naughty mannerisms, their innocent jokes, their cuddly hugs, have given life a whole new meaning and along with that is the realization of a huge responsibility, of being able to give them a good upbringing enriched with high values. Today, I tried to put down my thoughts on this beautiful child-mother relationship.

Tiny hands hold my fingers

Trustingly grip the little wonders

The heart skips a beat

As the innocent eyes meet

And carefree smiles

Remove worries for miles

Tiny hugs greet the soul

It doesn't matter if one has not met the goal

Doesn't matter if one’s rich or poor

After all, you are their mommy dear

Doesn't matter if you are fair or dark

Coz Mommy, you are your angel’s star

A tiny tear rolls down the cheeks

Overcome with all the love it receives

The head bows down in a silent prayer

Lord, give me the strength to handle with care

Their fragile hearts may never despair

Tiny dreams will soon have wings

 And they will go on to do their own things

The sun shall set upon today’s youth

While new horizons open up for the not so tiny brood

Wrinkled faces shall hold up with pride

Every time their angels strive

To win, without letting their values dive

They find their place in the sun

And come home with the trophies won

Yet when they are in the dark and cold

They come back to their mother’s hold

A place where every child feels safe

A place where there is never a room for hate.

Fighting the odds.....

A long bus ride along the winding Western Ghats lined with coffee plantations brought us to Coorg, a small town known for its home stays that are willing to let you enjoy the plantation life under the clear and carefree skies and raw wilderness. A place which is surrounded by forests and gurgling streams, where people light bonfires at night and watch the fireflies light up the horizons, where many an evening is spent playing their favorite game – football and where entertainment still means a trek in the wild or a day spent at fishing, where mobile signals are hard to get, thus, giving us every opportunity to escape from the humdrum of city life.

 We arrived at the estate owned by a middle aged gentleman and his family – it was so large that by the time he had finished telling us of the area that belonged to him we were wondering how he managed all of it. But Coorgis are a nice lot and the people are honest and he had been around this place for a while, so it had been easy for him.

After the initial conversations and welcome drinks, we were asked to carry our bags down a slope till we approached a tiny flat clean space filled with colorful tents much like in the movies; we were excited. A bunch of sixty people, all of us were really looking forward to the next two days of fun at this corporate outdoor activity. We soon settled down in the tents excited at the thought of spending the evening in this wilderness. This was going to be very different from our regular corporate schedule.

By late evening it was dark and all we had was torches to guide us, that’s when the organizers asked us to line up for a nature walk – ‘A nature walk in the dark, you must be kidding?’ we thought. But no, they were serious and soon we were heading into the jungle. We were asked to be very quiet so that we could ‘enjoy’ the sounds emanating in the night. ‘Enjoy?’, it felt like a horror story and they kept hissing instructions ‘please be careful if you feel something cold touching your feet, it could be a snake and try to stay on the track, if you move off track, you might be attacked by leeches.’ We froze, and held each other’s hands and we moved forward, chanting ‘Om Namo Shivay’ at least I did, though a few brave souls did declare that they were ‘cool’ with this.

 It was a good half an hour before we were back at the camp only to be welcomed by the warmth of a bonfire. We forgot all about the scary walk and enjoyed the rest of the evening singing songs and sharing stories. This was fun; it was a clear sky with thousands of stars twinkling down on us and a mild breeze refreshing our tired faces and the sound of the tiny stream flowing down the other end in the background. We wound up early as we had a long trek planned for the next day. I came back to the tent really happy. Couldn't have ever done something like this on my own, but thanks to this trip I knew I was going to cherish this forever.

The next morning after a quick breakfast, we lined up for our trek. We knew this couldn't be difficult as we had done treks earlier too, but they weren't letting us away with it so easily, so the deal was that we would be trekking up to the first hill top and from there to the next and our return would be by rappelling down the second one. ‘Rappelling and me?’ What with my heavy weight and never exercised body, I could never make it and if I failed, I would be the subject of many a gossip sessions in office. I tried to chicken out, but it was too late, we were already half way up the first hill and since this was not a regularly used track, the trail left behind was very faint so there was every chance of getting lost if I tried to return alone. I really had no choice but to move uphill, sometimes on my own and sometimes by being pushed up by my colleagues who were very helpful. Another thing that kept me going was the fear of being left behind in this wilderness, so I had to match my pace with everyone else’s.

Trek went on well and now was the big one – rappelling....we were given ‘time off’ before we started, when our guides were informed by the locals that they had seen a snake at the rappelling site. ‘Thank God!’ I thought, glad that it was going to be cancelled after all. My prayers weren't heard at all and the snake was soon removed so that we could complete our task. As I approached the site, I was almost shuddering in fear, how would I do this? ‘What if the rope snapped?’ ‘What if I just fell flat?’ ‘What if the gear didn't fit me?’ Soon the person before me went down and next was my turn......

Step one – put on the gear...the gear fitted me perfectly.... ‘Thank God’ and now I was holding the ropes with the rest of the office staring at me. I guess even they had the same fears like mine – ‘Will she make it?’ The lady guiding us at the bottom of the site kept asking me to look down so that I could have an estimate of where to go. One look at the bottom and I knew I had to move fast and get over with it as soon as possible. The longer I kept myself hanging there, the longer would the fear overtake me. So there I was moving downhill, not quite like a professional, but successfully nevertheless. This was the end of my first attempt at rappelling and once I had touched base, I could hear my colleagues clapping and congratulating me. ‘Yep, I had done it, with my fears, my heavy weight, my thousand excuses, I had still done it.’

Today, when I look back and think of this episode, I feel quite proud at this feat and secretly give myself a pat my back. Had I actually chickened out as per my plan, I would not be writing this today and imagine I would have gone back to office after a two day trip with no adventure and learning.

I don’t know if I would ever volunteer to do anything like this again, but if a situation arises, I know I am better equipped to face it.......  Thanks to my team and yes my willingness to ‘give it a try’.