Tuesday, 20 August 2013

Rakshabandhan....!!

I was a year old when you arrived
An innocent face filled with mischief revived
You played pranks on me galore
But without you my world was a bore

I was a girl and you were a boy
Yet we boxed each other
When we fought for the same toy
But when someone tried to harm the other
We hit back like a team no other

Years went by and we grew up
Our pranks made way
For secrets we’d never give up
Roles were reversed and you became
My guide and mentor who’d never complain

As I was stepping into a new life
That of a daughter-in-law and a wife
There you were standing by my side
As I was stepping out of our home
Lots of emotions I was trying to overcome
You held my hand as I cried
While your own tears you tried to hide

We went on to live our lives
Juggling our various responsibilities we strive
We may not be able to meet often
But if anything were to happen,  I know
You will always be with me, my Bro’

And each year as I tie Rakhi on your hand
I thank the Lord for Blessing me
With a gift so grand!!

One of the best gifts of the Indian culture is the celebration of a beautiful relationship, that of a brother and a sister. A bond that stands by us throughout our lives – as our Best friend, as our confidante, as a prankster,  as a protector, as our support system through our childhood and adolescence, through our first love and our first heartbreak, through our youth and middle age, someone who knows our strengths and weaknesses and yet continues to be with us unconditionally to guide us and to be guided, to laugh at us and to be laughed at, to help us come out of our mistakes and to hold great pride at our achievements, but more than anything else, to be there with us always...!!

Thursday, 1 August 2013

Buddy......


Lost him to Cancer today 6th Sept 2013........stared helplessly as he sighed for the last time ...... Buddy where ever you go from here, hope you have a great life...... you will always be in our memories...Always!!
Love you tons sweetheart.....R.I.P 

He came wrapped in a soft cloth in a red basket on 9th Mar’2001, a significant date because, he was my first wedding anniversary gift, an animal lover all my life, this was the best gift my husband could have got me.  He was, a ball of off-white fur when he came home, a small baby, whining because he had just been separated from his mother, but all he needed was a little pampering and he was back to his jumpy self again.

Cerelac packets were bought and a whole vaccination schedule worked out for him. When he was bought we were informed that he was a Pomeranian pup, but our first visit to the vet told us that he was a Labrador pup, and the one after that finally told us that he was a German Spitz, a name given to a cross between a Pomeranian and any other breed ( I think)....but as he grew up, he looked like a very handsome mongrel....whatever the breed, it really didn't matter as he was now a part of our family and no way were we going to let him go. We had named him Buddy, our best friend.

Suddenly there was so much life in the house; he had a character of his own ...it felt like we had a new member in the family who had to be included in all our plans. He hated to be out in the sun and would retreat to the nearest shaded corner as soon as he was taken out. He soon started teething and left his mark on everything – the dining table legs had his teeth marks, the sofa, the bed, clothes that he could lay his hands on, chews, toys, everything was bitten.

The first time that we had to travel out of station, we decided to take him with us. So there he was in Delhi meeting his extended family, my cousins, aunts and uncles, but the Delhi heat had stressed him out and we promised never to bring him out of his comfort zone again. After that whenever we had to go out, we would ask our maid to visit him daily and take care of him while we were away. He had grown up to be a pretty ferocious guy, and till today hates to be addressed as ‘kutta’ (the Hindi translation for ‘dog’). Whenever we tease him and call him kutta, he gets agitated as if he is being insulted.

 We were worried when we were bringing our first child, Vansh,  home from the hospital, I was still weak and couldn't play with him like I did earlier and  also had to take care of the baby. The day the baby was brought home, Buddy was excited, he wanted to sniff the baby from near which I let him do once and after that he calmed down.  I had thought that he would be jealous of the little one, but on the contrary, he became extra caring, kept himself away from the baby as if he knew that he should not hurt the little one.  When Vansh started crawling, he would keep following Buddy around the house and at times even pull his tail, but Buddy would patiently let him do that. And Aryan, our second child, was a terror, who would always want to sit on Buddy and ride on him and we would be scared that he would bite, but Buddy was a good big brother and would be gentle. He would growl to scare Aryan off, but never bit him.

When we adopted Champ (our little daschund and the youngest child in the family), Buddy was a bit jealous on the first day and refused to let him come near him, but later he became his mentor and for Champ he was like his entire support system. Champ would refuse to move out of the gate for his evening walk if Buddy didn't accompany him. They would play together on the carpet, in fact, Champ was the only one who was allowed to steal Buddy’s chews and get away with it.

As time went on we saw Buddy grow from a playful child to an aggressive youngster to a caring elder brother to my children and Champ, to now a twelve year old. Thankfully even the boys are very fond of him and in my heart he will always be special. Today he is an ailing patient and I am doing all that I can to make life comfortable for him. Dogs are known to have a lifespan ranging from ten to fifteen years and how much ever I try, I am not able to prepare myself to let him go. Prayers, medicine, hospitals, we are doing all we can to save him, he looks healthy except for the pain in his bloated stomach and his arthritis that has slowed him down. 

Buddy, an innocent face with mischievous eyes and a commanding personality, today (1st Aug 2013) he is old and sick, but still keeps his terror. He barks and limps to the door every time the doorbell rings. People in the apartment still make way for him when he goes down for his walk and the children are scared of him. My heart breaks to see him so weak, but all I can do is to be with him during his illness and just pray that he is back to his normal self soon........

Wish I could have saved him ...did everything I could, but was too late!!




Wednesday, 24 July 2013

Stories untold................

An unshared feeling
Reeling in the mind
An unwritten text
Waiting to be defined
An undone friendship
That keeps heart pined

An unspoken word
That could forge new bonds
An unreciprocated hug
That could turn things around
An unsaid apology
Waiting to gain ground

An unsent letter
Could give relationships a start
An unshed tear
Buried in the depths of the heart
An unpacked bag
Waiting to depart                

Mistaken to be lost in the realms of time
Till at dusk the church bells chime
The heart heaves a sigh
As memories unfold
And whisper the secrets untold

If only one chance was taken
If only that one word spoken
If only was feeling expressed
Life would not be a fallen crest
Egos clash and prejudice wins
But the heart knows the right thing.

Life goes on till it’s time to rest
And the broken soul lies depressed
Look around without a guise
There’s more to what meets the eye
Open your heart only to find
Stories untold in everybody’s mind.






Monday, 22 July 2013

Loreto Convent Shillong..........

The long driveway that looped towards the entrance was lined with elegant pines. The gates within opened into another world altogether, a world where our innocent young minds would be moulded and polished and readied to face life with self respect and dignity.  

Our little hands held on to our parent’s, jittery at what held beyond as we walked in anxiously through the gates and caught the first glimpse of the fountain surrounded by flowers bordering the fresh lawn that welcomed us.  This was where we would spend the most beautiful years of our lives.  The building represented old glory and grace of the British period, the doors had brass knobs that gleamed as the sun’s rays fell on them, and the wooden floors were polished.  We were called into the 'Parlour’ this was the waiting room where all the visitors were asked to sit. It was love at first sight as we walked in. Sister Celine met us – she was elegance personified. She spoke softly and led us to her office.

Forms were filled and formalities completed and we became a part of this institution.....an institution whose name we would hold in great pride throughout our lives....Loreto Convent Shillong.

For the next ten years this was going to be our home, a building which till today continues to entice us, the sloping flower beds maintained by the hard toiling malis, the summer house shrouded with  mystery, the main hall with its piano in one corner lined with chairs on both sides , the tennis courts which continue to remind us of the various fetes held during our time, and the campus, where we would play games like the Danish Rounders or have our march pasts each Friday when each house would try and outdo the other; the boundary walls lined with jacaranda trees where we’d spend many a lunch break playing with friends,  the light green and the dark green staircases that led to the senior classes, the water tank, the little nursery with its doll house, the smoke bellowing from the kitchen chimneys , the sports day, the annual concerts, the statue of Mother Mary that stood amidst the first floor senior classes, or the wall next to the old Dorm where picture frames of all the passed out batches were neatly displayed...these were just a few, amongst the various memories that would go on to bind all Loreto girls, irrespective of which year we passed out or where were we currently placed.

We came from different backgrounds, from tea gardens, family businesses, defense officers, government officials, doctors and some even from royal families. But once we joined school, we belonged to just one community – Loreto.

We were taken to our first dreamland - the nursery – a sweet cosy room in one hidden corner of the building where the small girls would play and learn. We then graduated  to the junior wing where many generations before and a few lucky ones after us would get introduced to Kong Irene – a loving lady with a stern exterior – she would help us sharpen pencils and shout at us if we misbehaved. Our teachers Mrs Ahmed, Mrs Warjiri, Mrs Dcosta....all of whom patiently laid the foundation for the years ahead.

While Mrs Shome read out stories from thick books as we sat listening intently, Sister Rita taught us how to pronounce correctly separating the ‘W’ and the ‘V’. Maths became more interesting under Sister Carmel’s and Mrs Dey’s supervision and geography under Mrs Lepcha gave the boring globes and maps a whole new meaning. Be it history or art, Mrs Bhattacharjee, Mrs Khan, Mrs Sagar,Mrs Wilson, Mrs Das, Mrs Hassan, Mrs Mahanta, Mrs Dutta, Mrs Roy ...we had the best teachers, some of whom were ex-students themselves.

The joy of reaching the sixth standard gave us a new high, because we were now going to be in the senior league. This was also the first time that we were assigned houses...Tagore, Nehru, Gandhi and Naidu – we continue to be loyal to them till today. But being in the senior school also meant a lot more discipline as we were now the ideals for our juniors.   Skirts should fall just at the knee, not an inch higher and not an inch lower, the knife pleats sitting sharply in place, the shirts and the socks were whitest white, socks had to be at knee length, no rolling them down, red ties, grey blazers and we were ready to go.....we stood with our feet joined at the heel and when we sat, our backs were upright, nails clipped and hair tied in a neat pony tail. We spoke in soft tones and knew when to use ‘Please’ and ‘Thank you’. We were taught the importance of charity and dignity of labor, to respect our domestic help and to care for those less privileged than us. Our visits to the chapel, irrespective of which religion we belonged to, during exams was more like a ritual – the silence and serenity of the chapel could only be felt and not explained. Moral Science was an important class which was never sacrificed at the cost of subjects like Science or Maths, because we knew, that being educated meant more than just good grades. All this was a part of our metamorphosis from an unsure scared tiny-tot to a confident young lady.

Our teenage years, filled with secrets and gossips, not to forget the most looked forward visit to the St Edmund’s school for their annual sports day...we were expected to be on our best behavior and there would be no talking to the boys, we would be strictly watched over by the teachers accompanying us. In spite of that, all such trips lead to new gossips and relationships, out of which a few resulted in lifelong bonds.

Years passed and we branched out to give wings to our dreams.  We were in for a shock initially as we faced the harsh world, there was little place for our delicate mannerisms, but with our kind of training, we learnt to face it all as we had aptly learnt during our school days -  

And when our school days ended are
And our varied paths divide
O may the ideals of our youth
Still ever be our guide
High ideals of purity, of duty, and of truth
Learnt while we bore Loreto's flag
In the sunny days of youth.......

Loreto’s banner gaily floats
In lands both East and West
Loreto’s name each girl reveres
And holds it ever blest....!!

Thursday, 18 July 2013

Oh! I love the music of the Raindrops on the window pane..........

Oh! I love the music of the raindrops on the window pane
The sound of the leaves swaying in its trail
The dull grey sky celebrates as it pours its waters
 And teases the fierce wind that chatters

The rains brings cheer and everything looks clean
The lively bean dazzles and the glass doors gleam
While the birds preen their feathers
And the dogs choose to snuggle
It’s time for some hot coffee and a nice book to smuggle

Old memories come rushing with every drizzle
The first romance, as if engraved with a chisel
The rain gods had cried and the thunder had roared
When the naive heart had broken and the dreams soured

The summer has ended and the dusty days are gone
Bring out the paper boats and lead them along
Splashing into the puddles as we break into a song
Bring out the child in you; it will do you no wrong..........

The rain gods were angry on a particular day
And while the innocent children were playing away
The rivers soared and boulders betrayed
The path of many a pilgrim lay strayed

It sometimes hurts and there is pain
Every time I hear the raindrops on the window pane.....
Houses were broken and lives were lost
The cries for help all exhaust

Everyone cried out in despair
Rich or poor, no one was spared
For nature has not learnt to discriminate
All races and colors met the same fate

Yet, I continue to love the rain
For if we had not messed up
 We would not be in pain
We had ignored the writing on the wall
And today we pay the price of it all.























Friday, 12 July 2013

Oh! But To be Fat.......................!!

A very apt subject for someone like me to talk about, I thought...., coz who knows better than me on what it is to be fat...

Hmm...where do I start from?

Well, what better way to start than from the beginning....so the beginning it is....I was born fat...a very chubby, fair (fair by Indian standards) baby.  The nurses spoke about me at lunch about how healthy (they actually meant fat) I was. I don’t know if I was a cute baby, but most people tell me that I was a fair chubby baby. All through my toddler days, my cheeks were pulled a thousand times...at home, in the park, in the cinema, in the market, at Dolly auntie’s house, at the playground, at my cousin Mira’s wedding......It was first day at school, and I was playing amongst the beautiful Jacaranda trees near the playground when I was summoned by a few seniors.... only to pull my cheeks....and No that wasn't amusing coz it hurt. I was embarrassed and scuttled back to my class.

 Even my maid had a problem with my weight. One day I was thoroughly enjoying, wiping off the Horlicks powder glued to my fingers (Horlicks in its powder form was tastier than when mixed with milk........... but who could explain that to my daft maid?) and she complained to my mom saying that if I continued to eat like this, it would be difficult to find a match for an obese girl, when I was older....come on ...I was only six years old then, and who was she to settle on what I could eat and what not?  But my mom took her criticism grimly and there I was waking up untimely, at the crack of dawn to walk my dog (my mom’s way to ensure that I got adequate exercise by walking in the morning), my meals were timed and I was forbidden to be anywhere near the kitchen other than the meal times L. Even the dogs would get their out of turn breaks when they asked for their favorite chews, but not me.....my mom was out on a mission...a mission to make me thin... she had tried to think the unattainable, she slowly realized that it wasn't worth it and so for the sake of having peace at home, I was spared.

Probably the most irritating part then was to find clothes of my size...the only saving grace was the fact that my mom was a wonderful seamstress  and her skills were put to good use while doing up my wardrobe. I would choose the clothes in the stores and she would make them in my size at home.

My nickname – I was born at a time when everyone had a nickname and somehow most parents found the most ridiculous sounding names...in those days even celebrities were not spared...haven’t we already heard of Lolo....... Bebo...... Duggu......Gattu....., mine wasn't so bad actually, provided I was addressed with it...I had a universal nickname ‘moti’....this was how I was addressed – by buas, chachis, biji, my elder cousins and sometimes my younger brother as well....except for my parents, thankfully, I was still ‘Sonu’ for them.

Every time photographs needed to be taken, it was a torture as the camera always tended to append another two to three kilos to the already over blessed me, so I always had to hide half myself behind my brother, or my mother, or my friend and if it was a solo click, then I had to be peeping from behind the sofa or, yes, how can I forget, ‘no close-ups please.....!!’

Days turned to years and I moved from being a junior school student to a high school girl.....there was a period in between (probably the only time in my life) when I was gaining height and I was looking thin (not thin as per normal standards, but thin by my standards, actually less chubby than my usual self) that was probably the only time in my life when I got good compliments...about my looks.  But this lasted only from high school to the time I had my first child. This was also the time when I was in college and met my husband-to-be......Thank God for little mercies, imagine if he had seen me in my earlier or present avtaar, he’d probably have sprinted in a record time and never looked back.

Once my elder son was born, I had got back the fat as if it was my long lost twin from the kumbh mela and this time it appeared to have decided never to leave me. Initially, I was consoled that it happens to all first time mothers and that I would lose all of it soon, but no one told me how soon.......a few days, a few months....or a few years??? The elder one turned ten last year and I am still waiting for the fat to leave me ‘soon’.

The worst time of the day is the mornings when I need to get ready for work....no matter what you wear you tend to look the same...sloppy and yes Fat!! The only respite is hiding in the cubicle and hoping no one notices you. I do my work and get back home........the best place where no one is staring, and people at home have gotten used to me the way I am......actually I guess they don’t have a choice, as they see my struggle to get back to being thin, but not without a once-in-a-while reminder........that I still have a long way to go.

When you are fat, there is no dearth of advice either.....hey listen, why don’t you go for walks, just half an hour in the morning and half an hour in the evening or, have you tried drinking lemon and honey in the morning or the GM diet, Orange juice diet, Cabbage diet....etc etc.....In fact, there is a big booming industry out there and a lot of rags-to-riches stories of people who have taken it upon themselves to cleanse the society of shoddy, obese beings.............................Gyms, diets, fasts, weight loss centers....walks, aerobics, yoga.....Hmmm......while we poor souls sweat it out, they are happily counting their increasing bank balance.....


So while I continue my war and hopefully come out victorious....... ‘SOON’, I hope you enjoyed reading this............ J

Friday, 5 July 2013

when the nest is empty......................!!

The morning alarm was yet to go, but she was awake already; it was four thirty in the morning, she just couldn't sleep any longer. At sixty, she suffered from insomnia. She switched on the lamp as it was still dark and went out of the room. Rajiv was getting disturbed by all the commotion but was still lying down as he did not want to be up early.....the early morning chill was not good for his seventy year old weak lungs.

She went about all the household chores; there was a lot to be completed before Adi and his family reached home. At this age she needed more time to finish her chores than earlier as her joints would hurt. He was coming back after two years and that too just for four days as he wanted to spend the rest of his vacations exploring other parts of India. She had made his favorite ladoos and stored them in airtight containers yesterday. She knew that would be the first thing he would want when he arrived. Arav and Rhea, her grandchildren, would surely love the remote control car and the Barbie she had kept in their room to surprise them. Adi’s room had been dusted and cleaned and the guest room had been converted into the kids’ room. She had changed the cushion covers and placed the new dining mats. ‘Aarti couldn't complain this time that her mom-in-law was old fashioned.’ she thought.

It was eight in the morning when Rajiv was woken up by the sound of the cooker that came from the kitchen and was surprised to find the house in perfect order, and filled with delicious aroma of spices. ‘Where was Sudha?’ he thought. He found her just where he had expected – in the kitchen. She was making mango chutney to go with the Puris that she had planned for breakfast. She looked at Rajiv and smiled and poured out the tea from the flask and handed over to him. She seemed to have gained ten years overnight. Where did all her energy suddenly come from? She had not complained of her joint pains ever since Adi had called and informed of his visit. Her friends had been informed that she would not be coming for walks for the next few days since her son was coming and she had to be with him. There was a spring in her walk and a smile that refused to leave her face.

The old couple was ready and waiting for their son. Sudha tried to hide her excitement by pretending to read the paper. Soon they heard a car stop outside; there they were, the kids came and hugged her first as Adi and Aarti pulled out their bags from the cab. As they settled down for breakfast, Adi said, ‘Ma, why Puris, it’s so fattening, you know. And these ladoos are full of ghee; I can’t have these too, Ma. Please can you give me some fruits and milk? That should be fine.’ Sudha was hurt, and only Rajiv could sense the hurt in her eyes. She smiled and got a glass of milk and fruits. After breakfast, Adi and 'his' family told them they were going out to meet friends and would be back only in the evening. Sudha had tried to stop him as she wanted him to be home with them for some time, but they had other plans.

Adi was soon out, leaving them by themselves once again.

Sudha sat pondering. How life had changed over the years? She was thinking of the day when she had held her bundle of joy for the first time. Her hands had shivered in excitement. Soon her world revolved around little Adi; she clearly remembered every milestone of his..... his first smile, the first time he walked, his high school, graduation all of it........ Time flew past. She had started seeing the world through his eyes and all her decisions were made keeping Adi in mind. She would be happy when he did well and feel his pain when he was upset.  Every penny earned or saved was for him. Adi was soon a grown up young man. He was going for his first job. That was Sudha’s moment of pride. She was sure that Adi would be always by her side. But then came an International posting after a year. Adi had come home excited... ‘It’s a big opportunity Ma, and I have been chosen to represent my team for this project. You know Ma, I will get a huge hike and once I have settled down, I will take you with me. Life will become so much better.’

Sudha had been very sad that day. Her little boy had grown up and was ready to fly......fly away and make his own little nest in another part of the world, leaving behind his memories for her old age. Rajiv could sense her sadness and comforted her... ‘This is how the world goes Sudha, let him go. You should be proud of his achievements. He has said that he will call us there; it’s only a matter of few months.’ She had let him go.......and let him go it was; years went by, Adi was married and had children. Initially his visits were once a year, which later became once in eighteen months and then once in two years......and so on. Each time he’d visit them, he would say that the next time he would take them with him, this time it was not possible as ‘his’ family was going on a vacation or he had a lot of on work pressure and they would get bored. Soon he even stopped making those excuses.

The parents had slowly learnt to rebuild their home, this time a lonely one. They had learnt to support each other during illness and pain. They had aged now, and at times found it difficult to manage the daily chores; at times the neighbors would help them with shopping for groceries or for visits to the doctor. She continues to do the house work till date, with her joint pains and insomnia, making it difficult each passing day, to support herself and her husband. Her brood has flown away into another home; Diwali, Holi, New Year...these have become just another day in the calendar.

There were other couples in the neighborhood too, that shared their story and together they bonded supporting each other and sharing each other’s pains and sorrows.  Theirs was a generation that had been left behind in the race for materialistic accomplishments. Theirs was a world that still believed in family bonds and emotions, that was mocked by the new world as unpractical and passé.  The new world was out to chase its dreams...speed, growth, money, power, fame and they did not want to wait for anyone, not even, for the people who had made it possible for them.......

Adi would be back in the evening with some other plan for tomorrow and the day after. Another trip would end and they would be back for another year...or two years ....or three. The old eyes and wrinkled faces would again wait in hope for another phone call..... Another visit.....another excuse!!